


Shadow Of The Day

by SoshiKi



Category: Original Work
Genre: 1st person, Depression, Drabble, Mentions of Suicide, Original work - Freeform, Other, Short Story, life and death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-12-05 00:46:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11566812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoshiKi/pseuds/SoshiKi





	Shadow Of The Day

They call him a voice of a generation now, I called him a saviour then. His music was never a phase. It was a cure. It was a way to live on, continue through the toughest times, the lies and the absolute shit that we call ‘life’. He taught me that to reach the brink, the breaking point and not take the leap was the bravest decision you could ever make. To continue on the path, over that precarious rope bridge without falling off, was the most important moment in life. That was what living was all about.

So why did you jump off?

When I couldn’t find my bridge to cross over, instead I found your music. Your words inspired me to look harder, to keep travelling and never look back at my mistakes and regrets, and I know I have made many. I crossed the brink – made it to the other side and I never forgot you. I made it through that first difficult journey and even when life got easier and happier, I was still there for you as you were there for me.

You won’t have seen me, a blink in a sea of millions. But we all stood in solidarity, fists held high and singing in unity. Those are the happiest memories I have. My mother and I sang alongside you, even though we were miles away in the higher stands. It felt like we were standing on the stage with you.

But you were happy then too.

We were all blind. The signs were there. In the words you wrote to an unfamiliar tune. We were so distracted by the change of sound that we didn’t notice the one thing that never changed. You still poured your heart out into every song you wrote. The pain, anguish and frustration was still there. It had never left, and know that we will never forgive ourselves.

Just as you had, I now find myself at another cliff edge, and there is no bridge in sight. Your words once taught me how to find my way, and how to find strength in my loved ones. While there aren’t many, I know how devastated they would be if I were to slip. I love with every fibre of my being – nothing could change that – but is it enough? When every decision I make seems so wrong.

I go through the motions. I get up, I shower, I go to work in a job that is far from what I imagined myself doing. I come home and then I go to bed, just to repeat the next day. Is that really living? I stare out across the gap. The other side is dark, obscured by overgrown trees, naked from the harsh winter. I can’t see what awaits me past the crawling forest.

Is it really worth risking the jump?

I can’t find comfort in your words anymore. Perhaps in time, the pain will fade and I will find that reassurance once more, but can I wait that long for a possibility? The water looks warm below, flowing calmly, not rushing by me like my intangible thoughts.

The world is continuing to turn, everyone else goes about their daily life. Another celebrity has died, but we get on with it, because that’s all we can do. I didn’t know you personally, but I knew your soul. It was the same as mine. I am expected to continue on, as though nothing had happened, as though I haven’t just lost one of my biggest reasons for travelling on.

We have the same birthday, you know.

Our ages may be different, but I feel as though our souls are twins. Perhaps it’s a trait of a Pisces? Or perhaps this is all coincidence. Did you believe in fate? I connected with your music so fearfully that I cannot accept it as chance that I found you. And now that you’ve left, it feels like betrayal has torn through my heart. It is not my intention to speak ill of you, but the pain I feel is incomprehensible and I believe I do not carry this burden alone.

I take a step towards the edge. There is still no bridge to be seen, so I can either take the jump, or take the fall. The jump has its risks and I may still fall anyway, but surely my only option is to try? I just wish you were here to take the jump with me.


End file.
